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Sooner or
later, the questions will come up for all
of us: What do we do in the first few
hours and days after someone dies? It's
hard to think logically and make plans for
what needs to be done when we're grieving
and under stress. Because several things
will need to be done right away it helps
to have a list like this tucked away.
If the death
occurred in a hospital the first
question you may be asked is whether
you will make a gift of life by
donating usable organs to someone
who desperately needs them. If you
agree, then arrangements for the
donation may begin quickly. You will
be allowed to stay with the deceased
person as long as possible.
Whether you choose to make organ
donation or not, the hospital will
make arrangements to for the body to
be moved to the funeral home of your
choice. If there will be an autopsy
there may be a delay of a few days
before you receive the body.
The second decision you will be
faced with immediately is to choose
a funeral home. The hospital may
pressure you for this information.
You have every right to resist the
pressure to make an instant decision
if you need time to make plans.
Simply tell the nurse you will call
with instructions as soon as
possible.
When the family is ready to leave
the hospital, someone should
volunteer to stay behind and pack
the deceased's personal possessions.
Then there are several things to do
right away. If possible, try to
divide up the tasks that don't need
to be done by the immediate family.
They will be preoccupied with the
things that only they can do:
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If
appropriate, notify the
pastor, priest, rabbi or
spiritual leader. |
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Look for
any written funeral or burial
wishes. Encourage family to
talk about what the deceased's
wishes would have been. |
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Arrange for
whatever support the family
may need, including
transportation and child care
if necessary. |
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Notify all
immediate relatives, close
friends, and employers. Look
for address books and consult
with family members about who
to call. |
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Make an
appointment for at least two
people, one of them with a
clear head, to visit the
funeral home. The family
spiritual leader can be very
helpful with funeral or
memorial planning. |
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Arrange for
the funeral home to obtain at
least a dozen copies of the
death certificate. These will
be needed later, and it is
much easier to order them
through the funeral home. |
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Arrange for
any pets to be boarded or to
have care at home.
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Help the
immediate family to have as
much privacy as they want by
finding volunteers to answer
phones and the door. Be sure
to keep a list of deliveries
and calls so that
acknowledgements can be sent
later. |
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Arrange for
food donations in disposable
containers for the next three
or four days. |
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Appoint
someone to keep accurate
records of all financial
expenditures. |
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Get costs
and requirements for
publishing an obituary in the
newspaper. Ask about extra
charges for photographs. (If
funeral arrangements will be
published in the paper,
someone should volunteer to
remain at the home during the
services.) |
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Select
pallbearers. |
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Make
arrangements to communicate
funeral/memorial service
information. |
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Arrange for
out-of-towners to have a place
to stay, either in private
homes or at a hotel/motel.
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Notify
employers and pension
administrators. The funeral
home will notify Social
Security, and Social Security
will notify Medicare. |
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Notify the
deceased's attorney and CPA or
financial advisor and ask
about any steps that need to
be taken immediately. If the
deceased owned a business or
was engaged in any complex
financial dealings it might be
necessary to move quickly.
Otherwise, there is no need to
rush. |
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Do not cash
any checks addressed to the
deceased until you have
instructions. |
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